Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
