You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
