do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
