After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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