No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
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They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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