At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
