none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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