Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
