I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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