Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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