I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm like, not good at living.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
