i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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