fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
