never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
