Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
