There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
