The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
