I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
