Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
