my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
