that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
