she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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