You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you will always have a special place in my vag
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
