Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
