I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
smell my finger.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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