those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
