I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
