Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
