where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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