I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
