omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
