i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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