so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
