I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
