Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
