it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
