She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
