If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
