in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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