we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
