I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think we might need a safe word for this...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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