"it" just moved
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
