Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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