you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Are we still banned from the library?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
