Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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