I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
