She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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