The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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