I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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