I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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