I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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