I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
