Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
