when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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