New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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