Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't deserve a penis
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
