How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
