well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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