smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
