C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
