Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i drank out of a bidet.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
