i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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