She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
