Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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