How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
