she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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